Late Night Conversations
by CaptainHooksGirl
Summary: The Hatter has been having nightmares again.  After one particularly frightening dream he cannot go back to sleep, so Alice stays up with him.


**Author's Note: Alice in Wonderland belongs to Lewis Carroll, Tim Burton, and Disney, not me...If I did, I wouldn't have to worry about paying for college ;) I love reviews, so please let me know if you enjoy this!**

**Late Night Conversations **

For the fifth night in a row, Alice awoke to the sound of screaming. The Hatter was having another nightmare. They had only been married for a few months, and already Alice was beginning to wonder if she would ever be able to get a full night's sleep again. Though she loved her husband dearly, it was beginning to wear her down. She rolled over and put a pillow over her head, hoping to drown out the sound and go back to sleep. But she couldn't. Even if she could learn to ignore the noise, she knew she could never get a good night's sleep as long as the Hatter was distressed. When she had married him, she had promised to be with him through it all, for better or for worse…even if it meant she got no sleep.

"ALICE! ALICE!"

Now she really felt guilty. Reluctantly, she sat up. "Hatter! Hatter, wake up!" She was careful not to touch him, for she knew that while he would never intentionally harm her, he might not recognize her in his sleep. He continued to scream. At this rate, he'd wake the whole castle. "HATTER!"

His eyes flew open, ringed in amber with the slightest tint of red. Slowly, she reached a hand toward him. She never knew what to expect when he awoke in such a state. Sometimes he would be in a rage. Sometimes he would wake up sobbing, and sometimes he was simply mortified, frightened out of what little mind he had left. "Hatter," she whispered. He backed up against the bedpost, cringing away from her extended hand. "Hatter, it's me, Alice."

He eyed her suspiciously. "Nae. I saw ye die…Ye cannae be Alice. Yeh'r jes a figment o' me imagination, come ta haunt meh."

Alice did not appreciate being called a figment of someone's imagination. Now she knew how the Hatter had felt when she'd said he was just a dream. She'd have to remember to apologize for that later…She wanted to make a snappy remark, but now was not the time to make him angry. She took a deep breath. "Hatter, I'm not a figment of your imagination. I'm really Alice. I didn't die…you were just having a nightmare again."

"But I saw yeh…We were on the battlefield an' the Jabberwocky…and…" He swallowed hard, and shook his head, unable to relive the horror that he had seen.

"Hatter, I won't hurt you. Just let me touch you so I can prove that I'm real. Don't you trust me?"

The Hatter looked up sadly. "It's nae ye I dinnae trust, Alice. It's me own mind…Ah'm afraid that if yeh touch meh I will nea feel anythin' an' ye will disappear."

"Hatter, please…" She reached out and gently ran her fingers along his face. His eyes went wide. Alice smiled gently.

Suddenly, she was crushed against his chest in a tight embrace. She felt something wet drip down into her hair, and he began rocking her slowly back and forth. "Oh, Alice," he choked, "I thought Ah'd lost yeh."

She returned the hug and gently rubbed his back. "Shhh…It's alright, Hatter. I'm here."

"B-but it seemed so real, Alice." The brogue was gone, and she could tell that he was finally beginning to calm down, but he was still clinging to her as if his life depended on it.

"I know. But it's over now. Now we can go back to sleep, and – "

The Hatter shook his head violently, eyes wide with fear. "I don't want to go back to sleep, Alice. I'm afraid. I don't want to have another dream. I don't want to lose you again."

"Hatter, you will never lose me. I'm staying right here."

"But one day I will, Alice…One day, even if you don't mean to, you'll leave…just like my family…Alice, I don't want you to –" He couldn't bring himself to say the word "die," but the unspoken word hung in the air between them like a thick fog.

"Hatter, we were just married a few months ago, and already you're worried about me dying? Don't you think you're over-reacting just a bit?"

For a brief moment, his eyes flashed red. "Yeh'r never too young ta die, lass…Ah found tha' out the hard way…"

Alice looked down, feeling guilty for causing him more pain. He did have a point, though…Her father had been quite young when he died in a carriage accident. Life was a precious gift, and you never knew just how many days you had left.

"I'm sorry, Hatter. I didn't mean to upset you."

"Ah know…but Alice…There's something else that worries me, too."

She pushed back gently from his chest to look up into his eyes. "What's that, Hatter?"

"Alice, in Underland…in Underland, Time does not work the same as it does in your world. Once we reach a certain age, we just sort of…stop growing older. Now, of course, that's not to say that we don't…erm…die…But we don't usually die of old age. We live for much longer than you Overlanders typically do, and I don't know if it's because of the way we are born or because of the way Time works…That is, what I mean to say is that I don't know how Time will affect you here, Alice. I don't know how long you'll live. We've never had an Overlander stay this long before, so we don't know what will happen…"

Alice pondered the thought for a moment, somewhat troubled. "So…you're saying that …that I may grow old while you remain as young and handsome as ever?"

The Hatter frowned. "I have never been handsome, Alice."

"You are to me."

"And you will always be beautiful to me."

Alice smirked. "Even if I am old and wrinkley?"

The Hatter grinned widely, exposing the gap in his teeth. "Even if you are old and wrinkley," he chuckled.

Alice smiled. It was good to see him back to his usual mad, happy self again. Believing their conversation to be finished for the night, she began to lie back down. She had just pulled the covers up over her shoulders when she heard something.

"Alice?" His voice was barely above a whisper.

She sighed inwardly. _What now?_ She pulled the covers back, noticing that he was still sitting up. The conversation was far from over. She forced herself to get up again. "Yes, Hatter?"

"Alice, why do people have to die?"

The question caught her a bit off guard. She was definitely not expecting such a deep question. It was three-thirty in the morning, for goodness' sake! Had it been one of the men from London asking her such a question, she would have brushed it off, perhaps even laughed at him. But the Hatter was different. One moment, he could be as wise as Absolem, but the next, he was just as naïve and innocent as a little boy. Alice was at a loss. How do you explain death to someone who has lost his entire family?

Alice tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and scooted closer to her husband, who was intently studying his hands, which were nearly tying a knot in the sheets. She gently placed a hand on his shoulder. "Death is a part of life, Hatter. You can't have one without the other."

"I know, Alice. But why does it have to hurt so much? Why did I lose so many of the ones I loved? Did I do something wrong?"

"Oh, no, Hatter, of course not!" Alice could see the tears pooling in his eyes, which had become a soft blue. At first, she wondered why he was just now opening up about all of this…It was as if he had never talked about death before…And then it hit her. While she'd had her mother and Margaret to help her make sense of her father's death and mourn with her, the Hatter had lost his entire clan. There hadn't been anyone to explain why it happened or to share his pain. Her heart went out to him. She swallowed hard, fighting back her own tears, and took a deep breath. "You know…when my father died, I asked Mother the very same questions that you are asking me."

The Hatter stopped twisting the sheets and glanced up, interested. "What did she say?"

Alice felt one of her tears escape, but she was not ashamed. The Hatter needed to know that she needed him every bit as much as he needed her. "She said that God works in mysterious ways…That sometimes…sometimes we don't understand why He allows bad things to happen, but in the end, it will all work out for good because He can see the whole picture and knows what is best for us."

The Hatter looked a bit skeptical, so Alice quickly continued. "I didn't really believe it at first. I…I suppose I wanted to believe it, but I was hurting so much, and I didn't see how anything good could ever come of his death. It wasn't until recently that understood what she meant. If I hadn't lost my father, mother wouldn't have been pushing me so much to marry into a wealthy family, and if I hadn't been over at the Ascot's house the day that Hamish proposed, then I never would have seen McTwisp…I never would have gotten the chance to return to Underland…and I never would have had the chance to fall in love with you…" She smiled up at him through her tears. "At the time, I didn't see why God was taking the one man who actually understood me from my life, but now I realize that in taking my father away, He was actually leading me to another man who understood me, the man I would want to spend the rest of my life with."

"A-and if the Red Queen hadn't attacked that day and stolen the crown, then Underland wouldn't have needed a Champion, a-and I never would have gotten to see you again! And I would hate it if I never saw you again because I would terribly miss you, and I don't know what I would do without you. Well, I suppose I would still be making hats, but they wouldn't be nearly as beautiful because I wouldn't have any inspiration to make them and – "

"Hatter!"

The Hatter shook his head to clear his mind. "Sorry," he squeaked. "I'm fine."

Alice smiled lovingly at her husband. He might not be Prince Charming, but he was the most wonderful, beautiful man she had ever met – inside and out.

The Hatter smiled back, but then frowned suddenly. "But I still miss them, Alice."

"I know. I miss my father, too. But death is simply the path one must take to get from this life to another." She grinned playfully. "And I can just imagine how Heaven must have rejoiced at having a family of Hightopps arrive! I can think of no other clan I would rather spend eternity with – all of the laughter and dancing and – "

"And hats!"

Alice giggled and placed a kiss on his cheek, still wet with tears. "Yes, and all of those lovely hats."

"But Alice, what will I do when you leave?"

Alice didn't answer immediately. It was strange, pondering the frailty of one's life. She hated the thought of leaving the Hatter alone, even if it wasn't by choice. She knew how fragile his emotions were. "You lived for more than ten years without me, Tarrant. I'm sure you can do it again."

The Hatter's eyes darkened. "Aye, if yeh wanna call it livin'. When Ah lost mah family, Alice, until Ah found yew, it was more like jes survivin' from dae tah dae…Ah dinnae ken if Ah can do it again, Alice. Ah dinnae think wha's left o' me sanity can survive it!"

Alice laced her fingers with those of his left hand. She ran her thumb over the back of it, savoring the rough feeling of his skin against her own. She looked up into his eyes, which he had turned away in shame, not wanting her to see his weakness. "Hatter, I want you to try something for me, alright?" He looked at her questioningly, and she continued. "Close your eyes for a moment."

The Hatter looked a bit worried, but he obeyed.

"Alright. Now, I'm going to take my hand away." Instantly, she felt him tense. "It's alright, Hatter," she soothed. "I didn't disappear when you woke up from your dream, and I'm not going to disappear now, I promise. I just need you to let go for a moment so I can show you something."

Reluctantly, he released his grip.

"Now, I'm not touching you, and you can't see me…Am I still here? No, no! Don't open your eyes!"

The Hatter giggled. "Well, of course you're still there, silly, I can hear you talking!" He didn't quite understand where Alice was going with this strange game of hers.

"What if I stopped talking? How would you know if I was here?"

"Even if you don't say anything, I know you're still sitting right beside me. What exactly are you trying to prove, Alice?" There was no answer. Hatter panicked. "Alice? ALICE!" His eyes snapped open. Alice, of course, hadn't moved.

"You see, Hatter," she said, taking one of his large hands in both of hers. "When you had no proof that I was there, you thought that you were alone, but I was there the whole time…I never left you, and I never will. Even when you cannot see or hear or touch me, I will still be with you – in there." She pointed at his heart.

The Hatter wrapped her in another fierce hug, holding her as close as possible. "Oh, Alice, how is it possible that such a small girl can hold so much muchness?"

Alice smiled. "Well, I don't know about my muchness, but I do know that I can be quite irritable when I don't get enough sleep," she said playfully.

"I'm sorry, Alice…I suppose it has been rather selfish of me to keep you up so late. You must be dreadfully tired."

Alice yawned. "It's fine, Hatter, but I would like to get to sleep soon, if you don't mind."

"Yes, yes. Of course."

She leaned in and planted a soft kiss on his forehead. "Goodnight, Hatter."

"Goodnight, Alice." Slowly, he lowered his head back onto the pillow and pulled the up the covers. He felt Alice snuggle into his side, and he smiled. She was probably already asleep again. But the Hatter simply could not get back to sleep. He wasn't afraid this time, but his mind was racing over all that they had discussed. It was a lot to take in in just one night. He stared up at the ceiling, letting his thoughts wander. Even though they were married, Alice's life, he realized, did not belong to him, no matter how much he might wish it did. One day, he knew, he would have to give her up. One day he would have to let her go back to the One to whom she truly belonged. The thought frightened him, but there was nothing he could do about it. So, for the moment, he did the only thing he knew to do. Silently, he thanked the God who had given him the privilege of caring for one of Heaven's most beautiful angels during her stay on earth. Then, as the first golden rays of dawn spilled over the horizon, he brushed a stray curl from her face, gently kissed her cheek, and whispered in her ear the only words on his mind: "I love you, Alice."


End file.
